Why, Nel?
by Kodaa
Summary: Ooohh! A Nnoitra/Neliel fic! Story about how Nnoitra feels about Nel throughout their time together, and his means of deliberately not accepting it. Short; contains three long-ish drabbles.


**A/N: A NnoiNel story! FINALLY! WOO!**

**Warning: Curse words, OOCness(I think)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any characters within it... T-T**

* * *

Why, Nel?

Why do you follow me? I've already tried to hurt you.

Is it because you hate me?

Or something more?

Is there really more than hate?

Could something like that exist in this world of black and white?

Or are we really just going to remain this way-

-Unable to kill the other-

-And bound by a 'non-existent' emotion?

Is that really what you want, Neliel?

Fine.

Then, I'll just continue to fight you-

-Even when I know I'll just lose to you.

OOOOoooOOOO

"Just fuckin' fight me t' th' death , ya damned bitch!" Nnoitra screamed lunging forward with his weapon poised.

Of course, Neliel dodged, easily jumping to the side. "No. I refuse to _waste_ my time on such an honor lacking beast."

Rage pulsed through Nnoitra, and he screamed, lunging again. "Shut up!"

Neliel looked down on him with cold, uninterested eyes, "No. You are the one who insists on playing this game, Octava."

Nnoitra glared at her, despising her ability to tear him down-like he hadn't existed to begin with. He looked to the ground, "Why, then? Why d'ya insist on…on _doing _this t' me? Why d'ya keep at it, Neliel? Why follow me like this if ya wont jus' face up an' kill me…?" Nnoitra demanded, his head down in a rare show of inferiority.

"Tell me why ya even bother with me…" He half-whispered, the double meaning shining through his words, even if he himself didn't notice it…He felt like this was the answer that the rest of his world would hinge on. He needed to know…

There was a long pause, in which Nnoitra could hear the shock and disbelief at the situation. "I…I…" Neliel began, her voice painted with an emotion that was unrecognizable-but only because it didn't exist...After all, it _couldn't _exist. Not here.

There was another pause, and when Neliel spoke, her voice was once more indifferent, "Someone must reprimand your shameless behavior, fool. If I do not, then Lord Aizen will surely be displeased. Do not ask such questions-you are the one who cannot accept your own failure." Neliel stated coldly. "Now be gone, you dumb _beast_." And she left, leaving a long-suppressed part of Nnoitra crushed into pieces.

Nnoitra raised his head to glare at her retreating form, "Ya bitch…" he muttered, standing up. That was it. Neliel would pay. She would forever regret not killing him while she had the chance.

He would ensure that, no matter how weak he knew he was. He wouldn't let her win…

…Right?

* * *

Why, Nel?

Why do you follow me? I've already gotten rid of you.

Is it because I love that I've beaten you?

Or something more?

Is there really more than the pride in superiority?

Could something like that exist in this world of dog eat dog?

Or shall I just remain this way-

-Seeing your ghost haunt me-

-And lost in a painful memory?

Is that really what I've caused, Neliel?

Fine.

Then, I'll just continue to forget you-

-Even when I know I miss you.

OOOOoooOOOO

Nnoitra looked down accusingly at the ground, an unfamiliar pressure crushing his chest. He growled, throwing his weapon down.

"Fuck…" he mumbled, pointing a lankly finger at the ground where Neliel had fallen, "This," he gestured all around Los Noches, "Is all your fault, Nel-er, Neliel. No one else is worth my time, y'know? Everythin's all…borin'. It's so dull…it makes me wanna see ya again." he growled and sighed, "I…hate that, ya bitch. Bet'cha ya planned all'a this with that dumb queer, Aporro, huh? Made it t'where I'd beat ya down, so he could use some psycho voodoo or shit like that t' put ya in my mind…"

He sat down, resting his head in his long, calloused hands. He could picture her so clearly, standing elegantly…her long, sea foam hair flowing behind her, with her sword drawn and poised for battle…And, even if for a moment, a small flare of fire and emotion in her cold eyes as she would fight with him…

Nnoitra found himself smiling slightly, the memory getting to him. "I wish ya were still here…" he whispered, lost in her memories. The ache in his chest was growing with the thought of her, and that non-existent emotion was bearing down so hard on him that is knocked the breath out of him. "If you were here…would I still feel this way? It hurts, Nel; I ain't gonna lie t'ya. It…It's worse than anythin' ya have ever done t'me."

Nnoitra looked to the side, not wanting to remember the sight of Neliel, the strong, beautiful warrior fall and turn into a weak, stuttering child. Seeing her so…delicate…it did something to him. It caused the feeling.

"Is this what victory feels like, Nel?" he whispered, his chest throbbing, "I don't like it, but…if beatin' ya caused this…then it's what I wanted…right? An' yer gone…f…fer good, aren't ya?" he sighed, standing up, "Then, I'll embrace this, Nel. But, lemme get this straight; it ain't fer you! I'm gonna live with this cause I _wanted_ it! I _wanted _t' humiliate ya! I _wanted_ t' destroy ya! So I _like_ feelin' this way!" he yelled into the wind.

He turned away, and began to walk away, but hesitantly turned back for a second, his voice barely audible, "But…Nel…Don't die, Nel. I'll kill ya if ya do…J…Jus'…take yer wussy lil fracciones, an' stay safe, got it?" he scream-whispered, then turned on his heels and ran off.

* * *

Why, Nel?

Why do you follow me? I've already found you once again.

Is it because I am meant to truly murder you?

Or something more?

Is there really more than the need to draw blood?

Could there be something like that in this world of lies and death?

Or shall we just remain this way-

-Pretending not to care about each other-

-And locked in the shadows of fate?

Is that really what we'll do, Neliel?

Fine.

Then, I'll just continue to hate you-

-Even when I know I want to love you.

OOOOoooOOOO

All it took was a scream to get her back Nnoitra twisted the Shinigami's arm, punishment for stealing his prey, is what he would call it. He screamed out in pain, and then there was an explosion.

Nnoitra turned around and looked at the former Espada…She was herself again. She was that cold, beautiful warrior that Nnoitra had long destroyed. He loved it. He felt an unexplainable rush pulse through him, much like the one he experienced when he discovered that she was…alive. Breathing. Living. _A_-fuckin'-_liiiiveee_…

He had wanted to see her…for so long. He had dreamt of the only warrior worthy of someone like him, and he had been waiting for them to meet again. It…broke something within him when she hadn't remembered him. She was _his…_er_, his enemy, _that is.

He wished so badly that they hadn't met again, though. Why the hell was she there? The little shit had lost her memories, yet she still found her way back to him! Why? He didn't want to…

…He didn't want to _what_? God…he didn't want to kill her. He wanted to let her go. Damn…He was such an idiot.

He looked over her face. Nothing had changed, and she glared at him with unbridled hate and disgust. A look he hadn't seen in so many years. She remembered him, but…

Long-suppressed memories and emotions suddenly bubbled up inside of him. _God, why? Why do you look at me like that, Nel? Th' fuck do I do t' you?…I just want to beat you! I want you to open up, you cold bitch! I want ya t' see me as…as yer equal, dammit! That's fuckin' it! _the thought burst into his head before he could stop it. It came along with a shadow of sadness and longing, along with annoyance, of course.

He shivered internally at the strength of his own emotions…that didn't exist, of course. Feeling was impossible here, after all.

"So you returned to that form…Neliel." Nnoitra kept his voice calm.

Neliel stared at him for a moment, assessing him with her cold, jaded eyes: a ritual that would only be recognized by the two of them before they began to battle.

Nnoitra smiled a little bit, involuntarily. It was...odd, to smile without a dark infliction, but regardless of how tired it looked, it was a real, soft smile.

This threw Neliel off guard for a second, freezing mid-step in her attack. Nnoitra regained himself took the chance to lunge forward slightly, his weapon slicing at Neliel in an attack that was impossible to dodge or block…

…So why was she standing there, unharmed? "Th' fuck?" He demanded, looking down to see that his weapon…

…Was perfectly fine, and only roughly an inch away from Neliel's throat. "Goddammit!" He screamed again, yanking the blade back.

Neliel looked shocked, "You…didn't touch me." she breathed, her hand absently resting on her throat, "_Why_?"

Nnoitra shrugged, kicking the sand angrily, "Well, bloody hell if I know!" he glared at the bewildered girl, "This is yer own goddamn fault! C'mon, jus' fight me, we'll settle this!" Nnoitra hissed.

Neliel hardened her stare, attacking him without replying.

Nnoitra stepped back, dodging easily, and kicked her back a few feet.

Neliel growled, lunging forward and stopping with her blade at Nnoitra's throat. Her hand twitched, but she made no move to kill him.

Nnoitra scowled, this was too familiar, "Well? Still not gonna kill me, Neliel?" he asked, "So, I'm still not good enough for ya t' murder…?"

Neliel 's eyes flashed with emotions, softening for a moment, but hardening right back, "No." she looked Nnoitra in the eyes, seeming to debate something within her before spitting out, "_You're worse._" she sliced deep gashes in Nnoitra's legs, then jumped back.

Nnoitra howled in pain, but not from the wounds. His chest felt like it was crushed into bits. Nnoitra fell to his knees.

He glared up at the green-haired girl before hissing, "I hate you, Nel. God, I hate you so much…!" he lay down his head, barely hiding the wetness seeping from his single eye.

"I hate you for never being mine…" he whispered to himself.


End file.
